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Isn't it funny how when you leave liverjournal for a while when you come back it's hard to find something to update on? Well I'll try. So I went to Vegas this weekend for Natalie's Sweet Sixteen. It was very fun even though we didn't have the right to gamble or anything. We saw the lions at MGM, and did you know that for only 200 dollars you can play with a lion cub?!?!?.....for five minutes. What a rip off! I'd be like, " I can go to the zoo and pet a baby lion! Fuck you!" We wen to The Forum Shops at Ceasar's Palace, and Oh Snap! They have escalators that spiral! WTF?! I was so amazed! Riding them was so fun. I was throwing penny's from the escalator into the fountains. Fun, fun, fun. Ooh! I got my picture taken with some gladiators! Hot! Except they wouldn't put their arms around me or anything so the picture looks weird. Gosh, stupid gladiators.
Serious time:
I realized at Natalie's party that it sucks to be the new kid. I know I've been here for two years already, but when you're in a group of people who have known each other for years it's like being stuck with a group of adults who talk about things you can't remember. I can talk day and night about Arkansas, but no one wants to listen to me because that's not interesting to them. They'd rather talk about things they remember, but I don't. I hate feeling like an outsider just because I moved here from Arkansas when I was thirteen. I miss all of my friends, and I miss knowing everyone. Funny how after two years you can still feel like the outsider new kid no one understands? I don't like being ignored, and I don't like feeling left out. It's like Freshman and 8th grade year all over again.
If anyone knows me then you'll know that I was "goth" in 8th grade. I was a dark kid that was depressed about being the new kid. I had days where I wanted everyone to drop dead except for my friends. Even my friends didn't understand me. I was a bitchy person to be around, and I would wear a fake smile to make everyone think I was fine. Then, I met Natalie in a twist of fate and she saved me. If she hadn't come along I'd probably still be the goth kid, and I'd probably have black hair. Ew. Natalie showed me friendship and compassion and laughter. Things I hadn't experienced since Arkansas. I thought everything was great.
Then I came into High School, and I was happy. Then, I came into theater and I was again the outsider. Not a lot of people knew me, and all of the upper classmen ignored me. I was unhappy again. All of the parts in the plays were given up to Seniors, and I was the nerdy kid in all of my classes. All except one. Chem/Phys. There I had two friends who I could slack off with, and feel completely at home. I was the only girl and I will admit that I loved the attention. So Nick came along, and I liked him. Finally, someone who actually cared about me, and didn't just care about my looks. Not that I think they're that great anyway. So, Nick asked me out, and I was happy again. Oh, and of course I met William which totally rocked my world, and he still manages to do it today.
So over Summer I gained a new confidence from my cousin Hailey. I learned that I am decent looking, and I have confidence. I'm much happier this year because suddenly theatre kids will give me a second look and accept me. I guess freshman have it the toughest in theatre unless you are some of the priveledged few who have everyone love them just because. Yet I still have people who made my life as a freshman easier, and are still making me feel better today.
I love:
Richard( I love you ever so much. You make me smile.)
Lauren( My go to diva!)
Devin(Who else could I constantly disagree with on movies, music, etc. and still love to death?)
Ryan( Duh, you introduced me to Flogging Molly.)
Tiana( Even though you didn't like me freshman year..you do now I think so that's all that matters)
Cheyenne♥♥♥( I don't know what I'd do without you)
A quote that just popped into my head:
And when his eyes go dead the hell I sent him to will seem like Heaven after what I've done to him.-Rourke-Sin City
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lady_in_black13's journal
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